First Proof, Disappointment, and Starting Over, Part 2

So to recap, I poured my heart and soul and creativity and energy into making, what I hoped would be, a beautiful resource that would help brides plan their wedding and focus on their upcoming marriage.

And I hated it.

I don’t really know how to explain all of the things I felt, but I felt a strong sense of embarrassment over seeing my printed product. I was ashamed that I’d spent so much time and effort on something that seemed so… elementary? It lacked aesthetic continuity. It looked random and thrown together, as if I didn’t have a cohesive vision when I was designing the pages. 

At first, I was afraid to admit how I felt about it. I so wanted to be the only one who felt this way. After all, an artist is her own greatest critic and being a performer, I knew that feeling well. 

So… then what? What do you do when you hate your own creation, but others seem to like it? This project has been delayed by so many things that the idea of starting over seemed impossible (and how would I start over, anyway?). 

What do you do when you put so much into a project and it comes out ugly? Embarrassing? Maybe unusable? What happens next?

The first step for me was owning how I felt. I had to admit to myself that this wasn’t just artistic criticism, but I genuinely did not like what I had made. Would I have used it if someone else made it? Probably. But would I have felt there was room for improvement? Absolutely.

Then I isolated where my issues actually stemmed from. I didn’t think the project was a total loss by any means. I still believed in my content; I just didn’t like the aesthetics. Something was missing, and something about the finished look felt immature. The way I incorporated my ideas just wasn’t there yet. While I didn’t yet know what corrections I would make, I did know what I didn’t like, so that gave me a place to start.

After that, it was really important for me to share with those who were rooting for me that I was not happy with how this came out. Yes, my first printer did things I didn’t like, but a perfect print job would not have fixed my grievances. Sharing my issues helped take back my embarrassment. It’s ok to produce something that isn’t perfect (a hard lesson for me to learn), but owning that you do not appreciate the way something turns out shows others (and yourself!) that this is just a step in the creative process.

Lastly, I put my nose to the grindstone and worked! I made the hard choices of removing elements that didn’t make sense in the grand scope of the book (telling myself that this was a new version and those elements still existed in old save files). I searched for inspiration and rediscovered what I like and don’t like. I allowed myself to try more things, to explore ideas even if they turned out bad, and shared designs earlier with those who are dear to me to get immediate feedback. I leaned on my support system and allowed myself to try something different, even I would just delete in a few clicks. 

Sometimes the most important part of creating is starting over. Keep what serves you and move on from the rest. Step away when you need, but also don’t be afraid to push through creative blocks and find a way around it.

Learn about yourself. Figure out what inspires you and seek that out when you find yourself in a slump. Creativity isn’t always something that comes to us like a lightbulb but sometimes it is something we can inspire. 

While I don’t regret getting a refund for that first printer (I mean, thinking that an internal company code being visible is acceptable will never stop scandalizing me), I still appreciate what those original proofs taught me. They will stay with me as an archive of ideas past that I can always revisit in the future. They will serve as a reminder of where I came from and where I’m going. I don’t have to be embarrassed about making something ugly as long as I don’t give up and push through the process.

Here’s my new mantra, and I hope it can carry you through some difficult times:

“If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.”

- G.K. Chesterton

I’m really excited for my revamped design. I hope that Covenant’s users will find that it is not only practical but also a good place to let the mind rest and relax during the stress of wedding planning. 

Next step: send this new version to a new printer (I think/hope/pray I found the one!) and get ready for some sneak peaks!